You have no doubt heard that legal help can be expensive, particularly in a divorce. Unless your lawyer has given you a fixed fee they will usually charge by their hourly rate. So it doesn't take much to figure out that two lawyers acting on a file at $175.00 plus per hour can rack up some pretty big fees. Remember you are the one paying for this legal advice and the money to pay for it is coming out of your share of the matrimonial assets.
There has to be an easier way and there is. It is called mediation. Mediation is a process of resolving your differences with the assistance of a person, called the mediator, who helps you and your spouse, through a series of questions, to reach an agreement on your differences.This agreement is then drawn up as memo and given to each of your lawyers and then the lawyers finalize the negotiations.
A mediator is not there to give legal advice. They are not there to take sides. They are there to listen and help the husband and wife listen to each other, so that an agreement can be worked out. They are not there to impose a settlement that is not within the law.
If you want to understand mediation at its simplest level, then go back to the example of the two lawyers at $175.00 per hour arguing out the details of a settlement versus one mediator at $150.00 per hour working for both parties. It doesn't get more basic than this.
Often times you will hear that mediation isn't for me. "I can't stand to be in the same room as my spouse," is a familiar refrain. Before you say this to yourself consider that mediation has been used to resolve disputes in Northern Ireland, in the former Yugoslavia, and in the Middle East. If you think that you can't stand to be in the same room as your spouse, think what it took for centuries long enemies to come to table and talk to each other. Further the mediator is there to help control the tension between spouses. If one spouse is picking on another during the mediation, then the mediator should stop this and help the parties to refocus on the task at hand. A good mediator does not allow one spouse to take advantage of another in a mediation. Therefore carefully consider in your divorce whether you should attend mediation.
It is usually a good idea to seek legal advice before starting mediation. Remember that even though your mediator may be a lawyer, they are not there to give legal advice. Tell your lawyer that you want to resolve your differences with your spouse using mediation and only if mediation breaks down, do you want to have your lawyer work actively on the case.Tell your lawyer that you want to have their input and advice through the mediation, but that you also want the responsibility to resolve your differences with your spouse.
The same way you find a lawyer. Ask friends for recommendations, ask your lawyer to recommend someone, or check the Yellow Pages under lawyers who mention mediation services in their ad or check under the word Mediation. Once you have talked to a few on the telephone or obtained a recommendation, talk to your spouse and phone to make a mutually convenient appointment with the mediator.
Family Mediation is a cooperative process in which a neutral third part professional helps separating couples develop solutions to the issues facing them. In mediation you and your spouse work together with a professional mediator to reach an agreement on:
and other important issues.
With the help of the mediator, all options available to you and relevant to your situation, will be discussed in a respectful and open way.
Through mediation couples are encouraged to separate their spousal role, which is ending, from their parental role, which is continuing. Clients learn how to assess their present financial situation and how to provide their future needs.
Research also shows that compliance with mediated agreements is higher than with imposed court judgments. The result is less post-divorce litigation.
What do you have to lose from going to mediation? Almost nothing and there is everything to gain including saving money on legal fees and most importantly saving your children from an agonizing divorce.
Part of the material for this article came from Family Mediation Canada, which is a non-profit organization which provides information for the public and supports 1,000 mediators across Canada. They can be found at www.mediate.com
